| Tuesday, March 11, 2008 |
Usually I will post what I want to say to that special someone in red but today I guess there's no need for it. Every single word goes out to her.
I was telling Choke and holding my tears while I was typing a few messages to him. After today, all of a sudden I remember a line from a Korean Drama from Channel U, it goes something like, 爱一个人真的能假装不爱吗？I thought I can do it but it's really hard. I tried to be a Zombie and bury all my feelings butI failed big time. I broke down today. I love her but she's happily with another man now. It's really hard to maintain a special relationship all along. Besides I now believe that no pure friendship exist between a male and a female. Even all those stuff like close friends are bullshit.
In this special relationship that I tried hard to maintain it to a healthy scale. I also came to the conclusion that the losing end is always the one who puts down the relationship first. It's the same case for me. I put down the relationship first, froze my heart and told myself not to let it melt. I thought I did a great job, I somehow managed to convinced myself that I don't like her anymore but as we get closer, I realise that I'm wrong. All along the feeling is still deep down in my heart and today I broke down. I thought I can pretend to continue not to like her but I can't.
My heart really shattered today, I cried more than my niece usually cry in a day. I feel like shit now. I didn't sleep last night but when I lie on the bed, I will end up crying. My pillow is fucking wet now and so is the collar of my shirt. I'm crying right now even as I type this post.
I love you, I lied to myself. I don't want you to pity and don't ever say sorry to me again, you did nothing wrong. Till today, i just want to let you know that I still love you.
Walk to my grave along with your heart ♥ 1:38 AM
